Guest Blogger: Hailey

Hailey has been watching me blog pretty much since she got here (lots of posts get written and trashed...LOTS.), and today she asked me if she could give blogging a try. So, here goes: Hailey blogs! (She's seven. all typing courtesy of Hailey, all spelling courtesy of me)

my name is hailey araelle b and i am 7. my birthday is may 8 and on my next 1 i will be 8. i am going to grade 2 and i live in boston massachusetts with my sister named madeline and my parents michelle and jeff. before when i was 6 nd before that i lived in long island with my other dad cory and my sister madeline and my grandma bev . i was really happy in long island but then grandma bev went to heaven. before when madeline was only a baby years old michelle lived in our house before jeff was her husband and she took care of us. my dad cory couldn't take care of me and maddie anymore so he phoned jeff and michelle and asked them if they can take care of me and maddie so then we got adopted by michelle and jeff. when we got adopted at first baby lucy lived in our house but baby lucy went to heaven with grandma bev. this story has a happy ending though. just like after grandma bev went to heaven we got michelle and jeff after lucy went to heaven we are getting a NEW baby and it is going to be born in the month before my birthday which is april around 11. michelle likes that because then she will have the new babby born in april and me born in may ad baby lucy born in june and madeline was born in july which is how the months go just so. by the way i call michelle and jeff MOM and DAD in real but on here im going to call them michelle and jeff. whe nwe came here we ate at a fancy restaurant with all three of our parents, like my dad cory and jeff and michelle were all there and we said goodbye to cory and he said goodbye to us. sometimes i miss him but i love boston and my new friends even though we might move to long island again maybe. i hope we stay in boston for a little while i have lots of friends here and i'm going to go to grade 2. most of my friends are already in school but me and maddie go to advent school so we dont even start until september! i am really BORED at home but we go to the library adn swimming and sometimes michelle teaches us to dance. that used to be her job. tihs is a very long blog but this is the first time i ever got to use michelle's computer. me and maddie has a computer downstairs thats just for us, it's a mac too.

when we came to boston michelle's brother was here and his name is john. john is really funny, and he told us a story about when michelle was a little girl. john is the oldest kid like me and michelle is the b-a-b-y like maddie so she was kind of a cry baby BUT DONT TELL HER and one time john tricked her into thinking that she was adopted and that her mom didn't love her so she had to give her to john's mom so if she was bad she woudl get given back!! when john told me that story honest i was afraid that michelle might give ME back but she said that because she had that experience she would keep us forever. i'mglad.

i want to make a new playlist for this blog, last time i got to help but its old now. byeeeee for now
hailey b

a crybaby, huh? Too bad I know how to read...lol.

Again?

I don't know how to say this, but I wanted to tell the Blogosphere first, because this feels like my own little bubble where I know I will be inherently met with support.

I'm pregnant.

After Lucy was born, we said we weren't going to have anymore (biologically). Of course, Hailey and Maddie came into our lives and then we had three beautiful babies, and we felt like we were done having babies forever.

I can't say I'm *thrilled*, because I don't lie. But I can't say I'm devastated, either. I know that this is a sign from God or maybe even from Lucy that everything is going to be all right, and I'm going to take this gift and hope that it works out. I'm scared, anxious, sad, happy, and excited all at once. Here we go again...now to break the news to my husband!

Lucy's blog

Jeff thinks we should leave this blog strictly for updates about Maddie and hailey, should we ever feel inclined to blog about anything normal...our lives are not normal anymore, and they wont be ever again, but Hailey and Maddie continue to be a normal part of our lives and they deserve their own blog.

I haven't been doing a lot lately, and it feels so ungodly weird to open a blog specifically so I can talk about my dead baby, but it makes seense, in its own way. Does anyone want to read it? Probably not. But it's there.

http://theloveoflucy.blogspot.com

Day by day

Today's task is to try to tackle my babycenter inbox. In just 4 days, I have received more than 30 messages from people reaching out to comfort Jeff and I through this strange time. It is an overwhelming task, even though it seems so small. Today I got up, showered, and dressed. Yesterday I talked to Madeline and Hailey's father and found out that they do get to stay with us. Small victories.

I'm so tired. I don't really feel sad much of the time, but exhausted, as though the life was drained from me when she left.

If I finish these messages I'll let myself sleep.

One day we're here the next we're not

I posted on Babycenter about us losing sweet Lucy, and I knew that I needed to update the blog. Although most of my readers already know, the blog has been more than about the readers--it's been about being able to talk about Hailey, Madeline, and Lucy and preserving every part of their lives whenever the mood struck me to write.

For those who don't know, I hope that I have called you or made you aware in some other way other than the cold impersonality of a blog post. Our sweet Lucy left us July 20th, sometime in the early morning hours. At this point, they are rendering cause of death SIDS--we do not know what killed our precious Lucy, just that she died sometime in the night, very peacefully.

In the past few days I have felt very much lost and anchored only by the support community I have built for myself--my husband, my older girls, my family, my internet friends. I have cried only once since Lucy's death, and I mostly feel...numb, empty, like there's a whole. I wish I could find some comfort and peace in her death, but I still can't. I can barely breathe.

It's been awhile!

Ever since Hailey and Madeline came to stay with us, I have barely had time to blog! Here's a brief rundown on what has been happened with our family since June 22nd:

1. Last week Maddie turned 5. We celebrated with a pool party with a "Princess" theme. Not Disney princesses, though--Victorian princesses! The girls wore their best period costume and had a tea party, and everyone had a lot of fun. We are now officially up to our ears in girlie paraphernalia. Hailey and Maddie's bio dad was supposed to come out on the day of but he couldn't make it. He came out on Thursday and we did dinner together. The next time we'll see him is for our court date in September.

2. Lucy turned one month old two days later. At her one month appointment she weighed 7 pounds and was 20 inches long, so she's growing pretty well. She is now smiling and lifting her head--she's a very animated baby. She is still breastfeeding and doing very well with that. Now that the first month is over, we are feeling strong and confident about carrying on.

3. We have been on the road with daddy for two weeks now and everybody is having a lot of fun. We have a lot more hotel dates on this tour, which I am appreciative of...three little girls, seven guys, and I are a little too much! It has been a lot of fun. We will be home for a short period of time next week and then back on the rest of the circuit.

That's all for now! More soon.

(Lucy nursing. Betcha didn't know that's what she was doing, huh?)

The best husband IN THE WORLD.

You may be wondering "Michelle, why are you updating your blog at 7:15 in the morning? Why aren't you sleeping?" (the baby is sleeping at this time & so should be the older girls)

This is because I have THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD.

Remember how in my other entry about the BBQ I said I was feeling super sick? He gave me a gravol and told me not to worry about a thing.

The thing about Gravol, though, is that it knocks me out cold. So, I slept from 5 until 6, when we had the bbq, and then again from 7 until...drumroll please...7! I have not slept that long since I was a kid. He did EVERYTHING--the bbq, taking care of the girls, getting them to sleep. I feel like the WORST MOTHER with the BEST HUSBAND. He even let me sleep in the spare bedroom in the basement so that I would be mostly soundproofed. How much does Jeff ROCK!?