One day we're here the next we're not

I posted on Babycenter about us losing sweet Lucy, and I knew that I needed to update the blog. Although most of my readers already know, the blog has been more than about the readers--it's been about being able to talk about Hailey, Madeline, and Lucy and preserving every part of their lives whenever the mood struck me to write.

For those who don't know, I hope that I have called you or made you aware in some other way other than the cold impersonality of a blog post. Our sweet Lucy left us July 20th, sometime in the early morning hours. At this point, they are rendering cause of death SIDS--we do not know what killed our precious Lucy, just that she died sometime in the night, very peacefully.

In the past few days I have felt very much lost and anchored only by the support community I have built for myself--my husband, my older girls, my family, my internet friends. I have cried only once since Lucy's death, and I mostly feel...numb, empty, like there's a whole. I wish I could find some comfort and peace in her death, but I still can't. I can barely breathe.